The Past

Who have I become? What happened to the girl who loved penguins and watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles every morning? Does she still watch Saturday morning cartoons in her Hello Kitty pajamas with a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch in her lap? Are her favorite movies still Friday, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, and Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Does she still watch CSI Miami, Dexter, Weeds, and The Boondocks as if they're a part of her religion? Does she still sing along to the Hairspray soundtrack every morning? Is she still in love with Prince? Is her closet still filled with a ridiculous amount of jeans, every sneaker imaginable, and scarves of all colors? Is her best friend still Martha? Does she still obsess over guys who make her cry and ignore the ones who wouldn't lie? Can he still make her smile? Does her heart still race a mile a minute when he's near? Does she still wear the ring that symbolized a promise of forever? Is her heart still his? Is she still whole?

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Displaced Deception

Dear boy,
You were always my enemy, you all but sucked the life out of me.
Your words were like deadly weapons that were destroying me, slowly killing me with each second.
I went to rehab and kicked the addiction of you.
You should be so sorry for the way you treated me, but it's okay.
You're my favorite liar, most visible scar.
I could've died as you buried me in your lies.
But I have secrets too.
The biggest one?


....I never loved you

We were meant to be together, so what happened to forever

Four years. That's how much of my life I spent desperately in love with him. That's how long I believed that he, my first love, would be the one I spent the rest of my life with. Four years he was my only obsession. In my eyes he was perfection in a 6'1 body and to him I was a crazy girl who he couldn't quite figure out. He told me that although he thought I was pretty, pretty was just one of the things I did that amazed him. Everything about Joseph was amazing. From the way he laughed whenever I said or did something stupid, to the way he could make smile even when I was having a bad day. I even loved when he yelled at me over the simplest of things. Our love was passionate, intense, and intoxicating. Everything it was, and wasn't, supposed to be. It's been over a year since we broke up and I've been trying to pretend it doesn't hurt anymore, but the truth is that I'm a wreck inside. Am I in love with him? No, those feelings disappeared a long time. But he was everything I waited for and if I ever fall in love again, it will never be the way I loved him.