I just want to break down these walls...

Last week I started tutoring at two middle schools. At the first school, the 8th graders are very polite and eager to learn...this class is almost mostly white and the black students are quiet yet still polite. The students are the second school are very different. They're loud, rude, and so grammatically incorrect that I want to tie them down and read a book to them (since they probably aren't capable of reading on their own). Of course this group of future baby mamas and drug dealers is mostly black children. After spending an hour with them, I convinced myself that it's not their fault that they're so misguided and they're merely a product of their environment and BET. I wanted to give the delinquents a chance to prove me wrong and show that they're more than a bunch of pants sagging, slang talking adolescents. I asked them what their future goals were and the responses didn't shock me at all. None of these children wanted to contribute to society at all. Oh no, they want to to basketball players, rappers, and video models. Only three kids, out of twenty-seven, said a doctor, lawyer, and veterinarian. This baffles me. Why African Americans think it's okay to settle for these hood dreams? It's a shame that even in the year of a black president we still limit ourselves to merely entertaining others.

Confession #2

I get bored with people easily. I like the stage in relationships where I'm still trying to figure them out. I don't like when people give me too much of themselves up front. A little mystery is exciting. Open books aren't fun, I like the closed ones that are locked and require a special key to open.

Boys, boys, boys

Choosing between two great guys is always a difficult decision, especially when you like them both for different reasons. Guy 1 is incredibly sweet and we talk for hours. He really loves me and I trust him completely. However, lately I've been getting bored talking to him and I feel as though we don't have that much in common. Maybe I talked myself into liking him because he's safe and I know that he'll never break my heart. But he's also boring. I start arguments just to create some excitement in our relationship. There's also the fact that he's another race and that would definetely create conflict with my semi-racist family. Guy 2 let me down so many times in the past I'd started to lose faith in him but now he swears he's in love with me. He gives me such a rush and makes me smile about the smallest things. I always have to fight for his attention and it just makes me want him more. I never know where I stand with him and because of that I've spent many nights crying. So who do I choose...the guy who's safe and convenient and I'll never have to worry about hurting me, or the guy who has a hard time being faithful and I have a terrible time trusting but I want him so badly that he consumes my thoughts?

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Confession

I'm afraid of failure. Because of my fear, I don't take risks. I have to learn to believe in myself and know that I can do anything I put my mind to.

April Wishlist

I want this Dooney and Bourke bag so badly although I know I don't need it. I'm a sucker for all things Dooney and I own so many wallets and purses I should be a D&B spokesperson. I recently got a supercute hotpink handbag but I'm so over it now. Pink can only go with so many things.

I will promise myself I won't care...

We're officially done...at least for now. He messaged me a couple minutes ago and gave me some crap story about how he loves his girlfriend and he really wants to make it work with her this time around. According to him, I make it difficult for him to stay faithful, therefore we can't continue to be friends. It's amazing how I don't care anymore. If he had said this to me a month ago, I would have been devastated. I have an amazing boyfriend who loves me for me and I no longer need that childish male to make me feel good about myself. Looking back, I don't understand what I liked/loved so much about him. Basically, I liked the attention he gave me because to be honest he only started liking me because of purely physical reasons. His exact words were, "You got fine. You've always been pretty, but now you're sexy." Translation: You were cute but not attractive enough to be worth my time. I should have seen through him right then but I'm a sucker for flattery and attention. I don't want to spend anymore time writing about him because as of now that situation is over and I'd like to keep it that way. I dedicated a lot of time and energy to what I thought was true love, but I don't regret it. I've learned a lot these past months and now I realize that he never really loved me...because love doesn't hurt that badly. Eh, at least I got a few good songs out of this disaster.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

March Wishlist

Due to the recent death of my Chi, I've been on the hunt for a new hair straightener. After spending an hour researching straighteners and checking out reviews, I've decided that the Sedu needs to be put on my wishlist. Speaking of hair, I've been debating about getting a new haircut. Summer is almost here and I'm thinking about a short bob or at least a shoulder length cut. My long hair is becoming such a hassle.